And the worst part of it is that I tricked myself... Others are not
to blame, so I'm left here without the option to shift the responsibility
onto someone else. That's bad, oh, that's very bad. It's almost as if
I should try to do better from now on.
Of course, it won't work magically and I'm guaranteed to fail.
Optimistically, there is a chance that some things may work out
successfully.
You may ask: "Ah!", "What's happening?", "Who
are you?", "Why are you here?", "What's your purpose in
life?". And I will ignore each and every one of these questions.
We will see. For now I can say that I am me, and me is stupid. What I
wrote above is mostly a note for myself.
Let me repeat myself, this time for you. I've tricked myself.
The thing that I somehow believed until now is that I can only publish
things that are "perfect". These articles? They are not ready yet.
I will work on them until they are perfect. My perfect. I know they are
not even good and they will never be. This is a plain excuse. The only
thing that is perfect here is the mental defence mechanism that allows
me to not do anything under the pretence of actually doing something.
Here, I'd restate: I'm an imbecile. But I won't do that, because it
is yet another defence mechanism: "maybe if I set their expectations low,
they won't be disappointed or whatnot."
No, here's the opening statement: in this iteration of my website
I want to write blog posts about technology, programming, hardware,
mathematics, philosophy, culture, my projects, bird that landed on a
branch - pretty much everything and myself included. I'll reinvent
the wheel more than once and I'll set unachievable goals for me alone.
I'll make mistakes. I'll defend unreasonable opinions. And maybe I
won't do any of these.
You judge me.
You join me.